Thoughts you may not enjoy or appreciateMonday, March 19, 200712:24AM - we broke up.punkasbarry01: hi Current mood:  confusedCurrent music: Iris Sunday, December 10, 20061:11PM - Wow. No, Not World of Warcraft.I don't even think I have any idea where to start. This has been the hardest year of my entire life. I've been tested in more areas than I thought I could handle. But it's odd, because I'm still here. No matter how many times I've said "I think I'm dieing," I havent. I'm definitely pushed to the limit though. It's finals week. My first semester of my second year in college is coming to an end. I'm pretty excited about it. It needs to be the new year. For real. I really, really, really need to start over. I need to get my priorities straight. I need to get my shit together. I need to remember who I am. I'm slipping out of touch with reality. I'm avoiding. I'm disbelieving. I have a lot of stuff to take care of, but I've...stopped caring. About myself. About the things around me. EVERYTHING IS JUST SO HARD. Why does it seem like everybody around me gets it so easy sometimes? Ugh. I feel like right now, everybody that I know isn't who I thought they were? I have these distorted perceptions of these people that I LOVE, and it always turns out that they're a completely different person than I had thought. It's just extremely disappointing. I just want to have a new job, since getting fired from Kansas City was actually the worst that has happened to me, I mean of course, after having my car vandalized, all my music stolen, then my car dieing, then my crazy roommate leaving Kristin and I to split the rent, which by the way...I didn't pay this month. It sucks. I've become everything I hate. At least I got to see Saosin last week. Ahhh. It was so fantastic. <3 Best news is, Im so over the ex's. Nathan. Dustin. Theyre done. I've really let go. Taylor and I have been seeing each other a lot lately, I think he's fantastic. Ever so entertaining. Adorable. I just dont know if I know myself well enough to get involved. I'm going home in a few days. For Christmas...gahhh...I'm SO excited. My home life is so amazing. My relationship with my parents has been so fantastic. My brothers. My sister. My niece. EVERYTHING. It's been absolutely wonderful. I miss them all so much. Thanksgiving was great a few weeks ago, got to see and spend time with my bests. I love them all so much. Jordan Feenstra, I'm sad you werent who I thought. So, Goodbye. I love Kristin and Alison. They're my backbones. They're all I need. They're my oxygen. I love you girls. I'll always be there for you. Current mood:  calmCurrent music: Gregory and the Hawk- boats and birds Monday, July 24, 20063:21AM - my mom always told me i can be whatever i want when i grow upand today, i choose to be bitter. Current mood: confusedCurrent music: Armor For Sleep Saturday, July 15, 20063:35AM - RAWR.is that what you want? is for me to be out of your life? well if thats what you want, then i guess thats what you get. IM OVER IT. notice how i said it...and not you. seriously though, im done making an effort. its all up to you. you know where to find me. Current mood:  pissed offCurrent music: Rookie of the Year-The Goodnight Moon Monday, July 3, 20062:54AM - My so called life.So I told you how I felt. Or. How I feel. Because these feelings arent exactly gone yet. Hearing your voice today was comforting. You're just such a good kid. You're so genuine. You're so...right. But there is something very very wrong here. I apologize for the guilt I made you feel. That was not my intention. However, I do not apologize for the actual content of the conversation. Because it was from my the bottom of my heart. And Im relieved to know that you know now. Now you know exactly how I felt the day I knew everything changed. You're still my favorite. And at least we will forever be friends. Current mood:  okayCurrent music: Men, Women and Children- Dance in my blood Thursday, June 29, 20062:56AM - who will save us?It's beginning now. The ignorance. The lack of hope. The boredom. I cant do anything more. I'm here. I'm alive. I'm breathing. And you know I'm interested. I guess I dont really know what I expected. I mean, it never could have worked. Right? Or is distance merely a number measured in inches, feet, yards, miles? What does it mean to you? Does it mean impossibility, difficulty, per say? I've never found distance to be a problem. Maybe thats because some of the people closest to my heart, are the furthest in physical proximity from my body. Land seperates people. Not feelings. If the emotions are there, then the countless number of dirt roads, gas stations and pine trees between us should not matter! If there is nothing to be discussed here, then why am I losing sleep over you? Explain that to me using scientific terminology. You cant. Because when you make a connection with somebody, that is one thing, that nobody can explain or make excuses for. So if I'm wrong here, spare me my feelings, and save the one organ that produces them, my heart, from breaking into as many pieces as miles between us. Current mood: confusedCurrent music: Underoath- returning empty handed Wednesday, June 28, 20061:03AM - Darling...Don't lie to me. Things are not alright. I asked you today, and you told me things were alright, but you lied. I figured it was probably just to spare my feelings. You werent ready to talk about new people in your life with me, the dreaded recent ex, but im more than that... or at least I thought I was. "Lets be friends" may be the oldest line in the history of break ups, but for some reason, when I heard it from you I thought you meant it. Oh, what a bunch of fools we lovers are. To have you admit that you havent been truly happy since last year, disregarding my (and the other girls you dated in the last year) feelings, really helped me realize something. Im happier now. Without you. So now, while you feel sorry for yourself because you're alone. Im going to sit back, and maliciously laugh and enjoy the fact that you broke my heart into just as many pieces. Lucky for me, I found someone better, someone real, to put them back together for me. You may not make it out as easy as I did. For that, I will feel sorry for you, too. Current mood: amusedCurrent music: Eyes set to kill- Darling. Monday, February 20, 200610:38PM - Civil war and Isolation thirstHm. Dang. Where to start? Im almost done with my first year of college. How old do I feel right now? Merely 8 weeks left. That is insane to me. I dont want this year to be over. I dont want to go back to Alpena... for the most part. I have nothing to go back to but my friends and family. Which means a lot, but I need to work and accomplish something. I wish summer didnt exist kind of. But Im sure it will fly by. I didnt get my RA position. And like I imagined it was one of the hardest rejections Ive ever been put through. but thats ok I guess. More free time and I wont be on campus anymore, which has its ups and downs. But Im sure I'll still meet people nonetheless. Hopefully. I was looking forward to that guarantee by being in the dorms again..but oh well..I cant do a damn thing to change it, so here I am sucking it up and moving on. Im just really looking forward to the next few weeks. La Dispute this weekend! Next week is spring break and me, kristin, mikie, caz, john, kori, ryan, jman, dan and tim are goign up to Cazs cabin for a couple days. Thats goign to be insane. I cant even begin to fathom the things we are goign to do. Out of control. This semester has been great in someways. Ive definitely been closer to John. Not so much with Caz but I know me and him will always be close so there's not much to worry about. The general feel of the floor has been better lately, however until today, when all the shit hit the fan about the people not goign to the cabin. But Im sorry. Not everyone can go. Its a cabin. 11 people is enough. So theyll have to suck it up. Thats how life is sometimes. Just gotta roll with the punches. But whateva. I jsut hango ut. Listen to music. Myspace it. Its become an obsession. Im not gonna lie. Oh well, Im out of topics. I didnt have much to bitch about. Go me. Current mood: indifferentCurrent music: Femme Fatalyst- No Sense Tuesday, February 7, 20063:19PM - Don't trust the surgeon...I havent updated this thing in a month or so, things have been so intense. School is hard. Who'd a thunk college would be difficult haha. Test after test after test after paper after paper. I lost my cell phone in a snow bank. I saw Nathan last weekend and had a complete break down. I'm sick again. These are just a few reasons why your life is better than mine right now. I miss him more than words can explain, and he wants nothing to do with me beyond a friend status. It happens. Quite a lot actually. But oh well. Film pat came over last weekend, quite interesting, we got extremely drunk and ended up hand cuffed to each other haha... good times nonetheless. I love that kid. I'm really grateful that I met him down here. I havent been up to a whole lot besides school. Just listening to music...lookign forward to a couple of shows in the future. I cant wait to see La Dispute again, they were so good a couple weeks ago. I expect nothing short of that. I've been putting most of my time and energy into finding someone to be with, which is wrong, because i know the second I stop looking I'll find someone...but I need someone to take my mind off of things. Even if it's just a really good friend. I'm good at that apparently. Ava is doing amazing, I went home last weekend briefly to see the baby and visit. She's beautiful. I miss Diana... it's not the same, I could have really used her these past few weeks. It's hard sometimes. Real hard. Good news is Julie bought me SpiceWorld. I love my suitemates. Theyre amazing. I will miss them so much next year! My new roommate is good too. We get along really well, which is always appreciated. I just like how we can respect each others stuff...thats so important to me! I'm waiting to hear about my RA position. Im through with all the interviews...just time to sit and wait now. Which is the worst part. The anticipation is killing me. If i dont get it...I will be heartbroken. But thats a feeling Im getting used to. So maybe it'd be for the better. All I know is that if I didnt have music this past month I dont know if i could have made it through it. Its my only source of sanity right now. But I think I'm eventually going to go insane anyways.... Current mood:  sickCurrent music: La Dispute Sunday, January 8, 200612:54PM - Alpena...I'm sorryWell of course here I am in Kalamazoo, realizing that my time in Alpena was more precious than I had treated it. I feel bad, because I didn't see everybody I wanted to as much as I wanted...but at the same time I dont want to regret anything because everything happens for a reason and maybe there's some unknown reason why I was so uncomfortable around all my friends. I dont know. But I do know that I hold each and everyone of my friends close to my heart. Although I was very cold and distant at home, thats just my uncontrollable emoness. I'm working on it. It's a new year...anything can happen. Right!? I know I called everybody last night....a little out of my mind... but I am who I am. I won't change. But hey.... I won't apologize for that. I wasn't as miserable in Alpena as I thought I was until I got out. In a nut shell, Life is Good. And everything will be okay....although there's no more Nathan. Some how, some way I will survive. Current mood:  distressedCurrent music: A Heartwell Ending Wednesday, January 4, 200612:12AM - Waiting to Exhale, not just a mid 90's power balladI have completely stopped breathing. Holding my breath isnt nearly as hard as holding this straight face. I contemplate whether or not to ever exhale because I am completely unmotivated by the thought of continuing this life without the guarantee that he will share the remainder of it by my side. This staring contest has been going on for minutes now, but I refuse to be defeated. I know the silence will continue until I back down, but I hold on to this moment for as long as possible. I am usually not hard to defeat for the mere fact that his lucid smile will annihilate every sour thought I have lingering in my brain at the moment. But he is unaware of how powerful he is in this situation. I'm sure he believes Im upset at the moment, but little does he know I just enjoy seeing him debate whether or not he should attempt to make the situation better or to let me be. For a few moments I see him lose interest in my stubborness and instead turn to his computer screen. I watch closely as he types gracefully....being sure not to skip a single letter. An intense feeling of anxiousness takes over my body and it kills me not to know what he is typing. However I do not back down. I pull my legs closer to my chest and refrain from pushing aside the lock of blonde hair that has seemed to fall in my eyes in hopes that he may reach over and do it for me. I am unsuccessful though. With every click of the keyboard my heart begins to beat harder in hopes that he may ask me to join him on the floor and indulge in his latest masterpiece. I wait patiently. A sudden pleasant vibe fills the atmosphere and his eyes shift from the screen to my eyes. He motions me to sit with him and I finally exhale. Current mood:  contemplativeCurrent music: A Beautiful Epiphany Sunday, January 1, 20061:19PM - 2006...times my heart breaks per daySo it's a new year. A new year full of disappointments, aggravation and drama. Yippee. I watched the ball drop last night with Wood, Paul, Sid, CJ, Kaitlin, Ally and Spence....which was okay, i love them all, but I still wish Diana and Kyle could have been there. It wasnt the same without them, but I understand that people can have new friends. I obviously wish I could have been with Nathan. But he was having a hard time balancing me with his friends while I was with him during the beginning of the evening, and I could tell he just wasnt having a good time with me in his presence. So I left. Against my will. And was miserable throughout the evening. I called him at midnight to tell him I loved him and was sadly replied to with a "huh? I can't hear you." Pretty much the worst way to kick off a new year. The first time my heart broke in 2006. The second time was when I attempted to text message him to tell him that I hope he had fun and that I was thinking of him and was disappointed again receving a reply with "this message could not be delivered to mobile device 9896575057." 3rd break of 2006 came when I called him when I got out of work and he merely told me his night was not as much fun as he thought it would be. So as weird as it sounds I was kind of happy he didn't have fun because he wasnt with me. But was proved wrong again when finding out the reason his evening lacked happiness was because Josh yelled at him for being loud when it was really Derek. Damn. Denied again. But yes...that's not all. One last time my heart broke when I asked him what he was doing today and he told me to just find someone else to hang out with. So Im assuming I probably wont see him much today. Whatever. I mean, I guess I cant expect him to want to see me although I'm only in town for 6 more days. That's lots of time. Not. Oh well, yet another relationship of me loving somebody more than they love me. But remember...this is only the beginning of a new year. 365 days of broke heart, frustrated tears, and hopeful wishes disintegrating. Is it 2007 yet? Current mood:  disappointedCurrent music: Paramore Tuesday, December 27, 20056:37PM - Finally happyCrazy...who would of thought that of all people, and if of all places, I would find somebody to love here in my hometown...the place I hate more than anywhere else in the world. But...I did! And I've never been so happy in my entire life. Nathan and I have been pretty much inseperable since the day we met and my feelings for him intensify with every moment spent with him. It's just a bummer that he'll be in Alpena when I go back to Kalamazoo. It's going to be extremely hard, but I'm prepared to do everything I can to make it work while I'm back at school. I think we definitely like each other enough to atleast try. I cant see myself with anybody but him though...which is more I can say than guys I've attempted to date in the past. So, yes, I'm aware that he's a little younger than me...16 actually....but ya know what. Age is just a number. The first kid I ever asked out was in 4th grade when I was in 6th grade. I've been cursed since I was 11 haha. And then the first kid I said I love you to was in 7th when I was in 8th. I've just always had a thing for younger guys I guess. The kids on my floor call me a pedophile all the time because all the guys I've brought back to my floor to meet my friends and such ... quote unquote...."Look like they're 12...you sicko" But ya know what...I cant help my personal preference. Whatever makes me happy. I'm not here to fit into what society thinks is acceptable. We're not having sex, so there's nothing illegal going on. The only bummer is my time management. Here I was all set to come home and spend tons of time with my friends...and then I had to go and fall for somebody haha. Now all I want to do is be with him, as much as possible...and I tend to not call anybody else. I mean, I'm perfectly content spending a majority of my time with Nathan...I just wish I could see everybody else as much. I wish I could be in two places at once all the time. But when it comes down to it...every night I end up at Nathans and find it harder to leave at night. IT's going to be absolutely terrible when I leave to go back to school...let alone 2 minutes down the road to my house. Dang. I cant even think about it...Distance fuckin sucks. I miss Diana. I havent seen her in...5 days...but I know she's wanted to see Kyle and such and her family and what not..so I've given her lots of space to choose freely what she wants to do with her time. I never want her to think I'm some crazy possessive friend like I used to have to deal with. But I think I'm actually goign to hang out with her tonight for a little while. She wants to go to the hockey game, which I dont know if there's any place else I wouldnt want to go more..but as long as I'm spending time out with her and my other friends I guess it cant be that bad. Although I admit...I will miss Nathan. I've been back at Big Boy for a couple days now...making some money...THANK GOD. I need it so bad. It's out of control how broke I am..and will continue to be until the end of the school year. Dang. I need a good job back in kzoo...we will see...I wnat to work at Hot Topic more than my life. But anything will do. Anyways..Im gonna go and do something constructive...aka wait for Nathan to call. My heart. *Sigh* Current mood: ecstaticCurrent music: Letters for a Lover Monday, December 19, 20057:40PM - Home Death HomeALPENA. I'm bored already. There is nothing here!!! Minus a few mcdonalds and a walmart I find myself dieing to entertain myself. I've been back for about 8 or 9 days roughly and I of course have not accomplished much. I'm not working...not by choice...but because Big Boy is an evil corporation full of lies and deviance. They said I could come back for Christmas break, but refuse to put me on the schedule leaving me bored and broke during the day. I however have updated my Myspace profile about 900 times and wasted hours upon hours talking to people I'd much rather be spending time with. Minus the few friends I actually do have back in Alpena. I got to spend some time with Diana, Julie, Janel and Lindsay. Which is amazing...I love those girls. I wish I could take them all back to Western with me. I hung out with Phil and little hre and there, but it's hard being around him knowing about whats up with him and Lindsay. I've hung out with Clearwood a little here and there. I love that guy. Sometimes I forget he's my cousin because we're such a good friends. I hung out with Ben L. last night, which is odd, because we both go to Western and barely see each other, but when we come home we hang out. It's weird...like you think we would hang out when we go back to Kzoo...but it's unlikely. I guess we're both really busy people but still. I wonder that if we did see more of each other if we would date. We've always seemed to have some sort of...attraction to each other. Hm. I dont know. Distance is said to make the heart grow fonder, but I recently learned that it only makes you sad and depressed. I find myself more pissed off than anything when I cant see the people I want to. It's ridiculous. But oh well. I can't change where people are in the world. I can only be there for when they are closer. So that's what I'm attempting to do. So there's this random kid, Nathan, who I'm pretty sure is my soulmate. I'm hanging out with him tomorrow so I guess I'll find out for sure, but I'm excited. We like all the same music, and are really into a lot of the same things. We should have a good time together...getting to know each other. It'll be interesting. Mix it up a little. Um...family stuff is good here for once. I'm not wanting to cut myself every time I'm in the room with them which is a new feeling. My dad's looking at a new job...which is awesome because I HATE where he's at right now. They dont treat him well. My mom's clientel is picking up...and my sister is due any day now. Little Ava will be here soon. I cant wait!!! Sam and I are able to be around each other a little longer than usual without wanting to kill each other and Wyatt and I are always good, so good haha. I love that kid. I called him to see what he wanted for xmas and he told me he wanted a studded belt. What a fuckin sweet kid. So I picked him up a sweet one. He's getting cooler by the second. Despite all the good things about this place,including my queen size bed... I still miss my extra long twin because of where it is located...on the 3rd floor of the coolest building in Michigan. Current mood: dorky Current music: Jack's Mannequin Friday, December 2, 20051:16AM - Weird....It's another infamous Thirsty Thursday down here at "Wastern" and it's been 3 weeks since I've touched alcohol. It was a close one tonight, but I had an epiphany and decided I wasnt ready to bring back that part of me to life. Im a terrible drunk. And annoying as fuck. Im not going to lie. So until I feel like i am able to completely control myself...Im not drinking. No one thought I would even last this long..but I'm going strong. It just kind of sucks a little because now for everyday that I dont drink I smoke like 10000 more cigarettes haha. Oh well. Whatever it takes to keep people from being mad at me for it haha. But I'm not drunk right now...and almost everybody else on my floor is. So here I am on here again haha. I love the internet though. Its amazing. The only person who I was able to hold a conversation with this evening was Ryan Wales. He seems really nice..just getting to know him though. It's nice being able to meet someone new like every day. It's weird though, because Im not in a bad mood right now. I thought I would be...but Im totally fine. Its nice. To not be sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I;ll try this more often haha. Im not ready to go home for a month. Im just going to work like every day hopefully!! I need the cash. I just want to see my niece and work and see Diana haha. That's all I care about. I mean, i want to see my other friends too..but its going to be hard finding a happy balance while being home. Hm..I dont know. I dont really have a lot to talk about right now. Just kind of lonely, but not letting it get me down. I know that I will eventually find someone I can be with. Im just being patient. Hopefully soon though.. you never know when you patience will run out. Current mood: calmCurrent music: The Fall of Troy Saturday, November 26, 20058:58PM - It's about that timeIt's about that time to write in this beloved online journal again, but the only problem is that I have no idea where to start. The past month or so has been so hectic and filled of unexpected changes that it's almost a blur. Ive had some definite ups and downs and even right now Im not sure where I stand. It's thanksgiving weekend so Im home. Which Im not sure how I feel about that either...It was good to see everybody and know where some of my friendships I left behind now stand. People I havent been in touch with greeted me with an understanding smile and there was no drama. Which is always appreciated. I surprisingly found myself at home with my family during this visit more than the last time I was home. I just really appreciate my family, especially my mother. She does way too much more me, as far as keeping me happy and making sure I have everythign I need even if it hinders some of hers. She's the best parent a person could ever have. It sucks though, because she doesnt see it. She thinks she's a terrible person, because she finds herself short sometimes in trying to provide everything we need and want since my dad slacks in that departments so much. But really all we need is her love and attention, material possessions are not important to me anymore. Im not 15. I no longer need weekly trips to the mall and to be dressed in the weeks latest fashions. All of that means shit to me. But she would liek to be able to buy my brothers and I the world, which is sweet, but unrealistic and we are aware. My family isnt celebrating christmas this year. And Im over 100% okay with that. I think its completely commercialized and as the years go on it becomes more about gifts and money than the real reason its celebrated... the birth of Jesus Christ. Ill be happy with goin to church with my family, i dont even need a tree. The lights, the tree, the music, the jolly fat man, they all represent happiness, but who is actually happy during the holidays? I dont remember the last time I didnt cry on Christmas eve while my dad was my drunk and my mom was wrapping the 2 or 3 gifts she could afford to put under the tree. It's a bullshit time of year. Im getting the greatest gift a person could ask for this christmas, and thats watching the birth of my niece, Ava. Ill be holding my sisters hand while she brings a new life into the world. And I get to be a part of it. Now beat that feeling with your XBox 360. But enough about that crap... not everything in my life sucks. Ive met a lot of cool people in the past couple of months. Im a big fan of Ryan moore. I think he's a really genuine guy, even though Im not sure if he knows how to handle me really. I dont think he knows just waht to think of me quite yet, and that goes both ways. But i do know that I dont want him to be one of those guys I spent a night with talking forever and then thats it. It's over. Id like to keep him around, even if only as a good friend. I saw a few awesome concerts too. The Early November, Senses Fail, Saves the Day, Panic! At the Disco, Boys Night Out, Motion city Soundtrack, and The Starting Line and Fall Out Boy (who quite frankly disappoints me) for the second time. It was sweet though, got to sing with Boys night out..that was amazing. They were better live than I thought they would be. I got the starting lines set list which rocks pretty hard. I dont know. The Academy Is... and P!Atd are going on tour in the spring together and I am pretty excited for that. I wanted to see As I lay Dying... on the 17th I think, but I dont know if I can make that happen. That's a busy time of year. But that would be sweet. Kristins brother apparently knows chiodos and I wouldnt mind meeting them. Quite obsessed. Theyre amazing. In a nutshell Ive just made msuic my life. Sometimes I dont have much else. I think my roommate is leaving at semester. she's slept in our room maybe twice in te last 6-7 weeks. I dont konw. Weird. Whateva. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I cant wait to get back to kzoo. I miss my new life. I love my old life, but I just miss my new one. P.s. i need a boyfriend. Dear Santa... tall dark and handsome. Please :) Current mood: damn is freezing.Current music: Chiodos-Alls Well that Ends Well Wednesday, October 26, 20051:14PM - Where have I been?I know I know, its been a week. Not to mention the longest week of my life. Things have been crazy lately. Roommate issues, midterms, searching for a boyfriend haha... it's been action packed. Good news is that things with my roommate arent fixed, i failed my stat midterms (but did amazing on my other 3..B/A's on all of them) and I am still single. Dang it. Kevin Kidder and I went through my entire facebook and his last night looking for dating options haha. I love that kid. But Im s.o.l. I know what they say... you wont find it if you go looking for it, but I cant help it! Im just lonely. Sometimes its worse than others, but right now I just want a boyfriend. Or atleast a single date that doesnt end up with me freaked out of my mind. I mean, my weekends have consisted of getting beliggerent and I dont necessarily want that, its just what I do when I dont have a boy to like watch a movie with or something. Like ive been saying this whole time... I just miss the conversation. Atleast all my classes are doing really well, I have something going for me, kind of. Minus statistics which I have to have for my major so I cant drop it. So im sticking it out and dragging myself to class. I swear. Just my luck. Im just trying to hard..or atleast thats the best excuse I can come up with for the time being. I think the thing that hurts the most is that kevin kept asking me why I dont date John. And well, quite honestly, I dont know why John and I havent tried things again. Maybe we are too much alike. But I honestly think about that kid more than anybody else. Its ridiculous. I was listening to From First to Last the other night...amazing band..and there's this lyric that I want to scream in his face. "Its amazing what you'll find when you just open your eyes. Sometimes love can leave you blind. But still you try to cover all the lies and ignore all the signs...What I thought was a certainty has left me spinning in circles again...To you im like a flavor that wouldnt last. You took one bite than spat me out real fast." Yeah, it cracks me up because I always ask him when hes going to wise up and realize that we're soulmates and that we should be doing something about it because we'll regret it if we dont and hes always like "I know, we'll see". But no.. we wont see. Because hes got the stupid boy syndrome where they pass up good opportunities because they believe theres always something better out there. And yes, Im first to admit that that statement is completely true, theres way better out there than me, but come on! Dont do that to me. But From first to last is pretty much amazing, Ive been getting pretty into them. "You were my compass, leading me to nowhere fast, promises were lonely roads, I followed you down like a map." How true is that! Story of my life. Ah, November is going to be an amazing month! November 4th Im seeing Saves the day, the early november, say anything and Senses fail. And then on November 17th Im seeing boys night out, motion city soundtrack, panic! at the disco and the ever so popular fall out boy which kind of wants to make me puke, but I guess if you have to sell yourself out to trl than you gotta do what you gotta do. Whatever. A tad bitter, but its just a shame. But It'll be a good show, Im going with Alex Janel and Jake! Yay! Some of my best friends from back home. Dang I miss alex. I like hardly ever talk to her even, it sucks so bad. I miss her a lot...just hardly any time to talk to anybody. So hectic around these parts. But it'll be a musical month. I cant wait! Then Ill be home after that.. for a month..I think I might commit suicide. Alpena is so boring compared to things here. Itll be interesting. In a weird, apprehensive way. We'll see. I guess Im kind of pumped to see the boys. Hm.. I think im out of juice. Hope you enjoyed. Current mood: where are you soulmate?Current music: Motion City Soundtrack- Make out Kids Wednesday, October 19, 200512:44PM - Fricken DramaOkay, so it was time. Time to finally say something to my roommate about all the things I am unhappy about. But it backfired. Instead I got laid out. All the things my roommate doesnt like about me basically. So I think Im going to try and find some where else to live. So here goes. But im sick of talking about it. Basically Im just pumped to hang out with everybody right now. Minus my roommate Im getting along with everybody on the floor...yes...even Kori. I dont know. Last night things just progressively got better and we even began diaglogue. An actual conversation...craziness. I think he's starting to realize it was goign to take some change. Pat and I might hang out this week, so that would be kind of sweet. Im really excited to eventually get to know each other better. He seems cool. I wrote that like 100 times in my journal now haha. Oh well. I say what I think. I hung out with Grant a few times now. He's sweet. Hilarious kid. We are really different though, so I dont know. Plus he didnt call me when he said he would and that is like a million minus points lol. Dang... when will I find a boy!!!? Current mood: annoyedCurrent music: Tom's techno booming through Anjani's wall Thursday, October 13, 20051:23AM - Different doesnt always mean badToday was odd. It seems like it was only 2 hours long. I liked it though... in a weird way. I usually wish for time to slow down,but in some cases i wish for it to fly by and it was just one of those days. I couldnt wait for it to end, but not because of bad things happening, more like anticipation for good things in the future. I get to go home tomorrow, which im pumped about. One thing i really need to do is get my car down here so i can start working. I feel worthless. Money wouldnt hurt either. Oh I miss the achieva...it's been good to me. I just like to drive my car, with my favorite cds in,turned up all the way. Ahh.. driving down state street and chisholm. Dang, that stuff is irreplacable. Im excited because Pat wants to hang out. I think. haha...we talked a little last night about it. Im excited for it to actually occur, sooner or later though, hopefully sooner rather than later. Hes just a nice kid. I know ive said that like a hundred times. Things with my roommate are going...okay...I mean. I like her, but sometimes i feel chlosterphobic in my own room because of Lisa, Stacy and random people. Especially right now because it's 1:35 and shes got 3 people in their. Lisa is okay, I mena, I understand her situation with her roommates, but she has 2 random boys in there too and i kind of wnat to go to bed. But oh well. EVerybody says i should talk to her about it, but i dont want there to be any tension. Anjani told me that she heard sam and lisa discussing apartment possibilities today. That would be kind of sweet, Im not gonna lie. Not because of Sam, but iw ould have my own room for a little while. So im all about supporting her. I laughed a lot today. I smiled the general majority of it. It was just nice that even though the sun wasnt shining I still found things a little brighter. It was different, but if that is change I definitely dont want to avoid. Bring on the sunshine. Current mood: happyCurrent music: Motion city soundtrack- The future freaks me out Tuesday, October 11, 20055:47PM - A new dayToday is a new day, and it is going well so far. I took an exam and did well, had a couple of good lectures, ate a good meal, and met a new person. It makes me excited for tomorrow knowing how well today is going so far. If only every day were like today, then my life would be 100% better. Im really excited for this weekend, im going back to Alpena which is awesome. Sweetest day is on saturday, and theres somebody back home I kind of want to spend it with- believe it or not. I dont konw why i all of a sudden have this interest in him, but we'll see how it goes. I know getting involved with somebody back home isnt the best idea right now, but hey, its better than not having anybody at all. Correct? Absolutey! A new boy moved on our floor today. Its like Joe, John, Jim or something like that haha. Which is pretty sweet. He seems pretty nice, a little shy which just wont do. Im sure he'll break out of it though. I would be too if i just got out of a situation like my roomate being under police investigation hahaha. Crazy. My crush on Pat has faded to a mere longing for a good friendship. But we'll see. I just have a newly found respect for boys with girlfriends...thats all. Not that im not attracted to him. Wow that sounds retarded since ive never actually met or seen him hahaha. Whatever. Im a goofball like that sometimes. Um. Thats my life right now I guess. Current mood: chipperCurrent music: Halifax- I hate your eyes Navigate: (Previous 20 entries) |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
amanda_gee's journalLog in Create a LiveJournal Account Learn more